Amsterdam
Loneley but not alone
Amsterdam is a revolving door of interactions, people coming and going, moving in and leaving. This can make the city feel isolating, as for some people it’s merely a stop over, while for others it’s the end destination.
In 2023, the World Health Organisation declared loneliness as a global public health concern. After talking to many Amsterdammer friends, it seems there is a likelihood of experiencing loneliness in Amsterdam, specifically social loneliness; the feeling of being surrounded by people but still lacking a real sense of connection or belonging within a community.
Amsterdam’s population density, whilst not the highest in Europe, can feel very intense due to the tight and cosy layout of the city. The city is busy, it has a buzz, making it feel like you are never alone. You walk to any part of the city on a sunny afternoon and there are terraces full of tourists and locals, sipping biertjes. But how then is it possible that so many people feel so socially isolated? The concept of “lonely but not alone” very fittingly describes how people can feel in Amsterdam. Surrounded by people, but it’s difficult to build a lasting connection with them.
Men generally experience more social loneliness than women, while women tend to report slightly higher emotional loneliness
A 2022 study by the Vrije Universiteit Amsterdam on loneliness in the Netherlands found that – among almost 8000 participants (age 19-65) – those who report the highest levels of loneliness are those with health issues, limited social networks, or unemployment. It also found that men generally experience more social loneliness than women, while women tend to report slightly higher emotional loneliness.
These days, our world exists largely online. This has meant that one of the easiest ways to make friends (or date) is via online platforms. Facebook groups, Meet Up and dating apps have become a popular and successful way to meet new people in the city. In these groups, you can find people from all walks of life, and it’s relatively straightforward to connect and reach out to people who have similar hobbies or interests to you. But taking that connection to real life? This is where it can get a bit complicated. With the option to endlessly talk to these people via DMs, it very rarely happens that you actually meet up in real life. Bumble for Friends conducted a survey in 2019, which found that for millennial respondents, 73% want to find new friends online, and that 66% of Gen Z respondents had actually met their friends online.
When it comes to dating, Bumble reports that only 25% of its users end up on dates. If you extrapolate that to the number of matches, you have to go through a lot of online texting before you actually meet someone in real life. It almost seems like when meeting online becomes too accessible, we don’t want to meet in real life. Also, when there’s the opportunity to meet so many new people, a lack of immediate connection encourages a fickle tendency of moving onto the next, be it friend or date.
The rise of remote working means that we rarely have to leave our own apartment – why bother, when you can generate earnings from the comfort of your own sofa? The Netherlands has one of the highest rates of single person households in Europe, especially in urban areas like Amsterdam. For some, this reflects freedom. For others, it can heighten feelings of social isolation.
With so much happening online, it can seem that we’re losing a sense of community; physical presence and support have started to feel a bit out of reach. People rely on online communities for support and advice, especially about how to navigate life in Amsterdam. However, humans crave community for more than just practical reasons. Without the community of real people, we’re missing the physical and present interaction from social gatherings that had previously become so necessary in our societies.
Humans are social creatures; evolution and our ancestors showed that being part of a community meant protection, access to resources and ultimately a way to stay safe. Our evolutionary brains have been wired, and probably rightly so, to believe that being alone is a signal for concern, and finding a community is important for survival.
Individualism has also been referenced as a reason why this lack of community has become so prevalent in western culture. Individualist societies (such as the Netherlands) encourage people to act on their own, be independent, in order to be successful. But can the individualism of Northern European countries lead to loneliness and a loss of community? Is that what we are experiencing? In many cultures, community is formed around neighbours, and you become close with and tend to rely on your neighbours. In Dutch culture, however, this does not seem to be the case. As one Reddit user aptly put it, “In Dutch culture a bond with neighbours is typically made by staring at each other nude from different floors while having breakfast”.
But what can we do about it? There are volunteering opportunities in Amsterdam, both to support others or get support if you feel like this. For example, Oranje Fonds has a buddy system through which you can sign up to be someone’s buddy, or ask for one yourself: www.maatjesgezocht.nl
Joining sports clubs, Facebook groups and meet-up apps are also good ways of making friends or finding a community in Amsterdam (if your potential friendship can make it out of the DMs!). With the rise of run clubs (especially single run clubs), and the latest trend of Hyrox fitness classes, sports are also becoming a popular way to meet people.
In a city as lively and buzzing as Amsterdam, social loneliness might seem that it has no place. However, as people come and go, everyone you meet is a potential “flight risk” (as one friend of mine puts it), friendship digitalisation takes over and dating apps have a chokehold on the entire population, moments of connection are lost. Social loneliness is present in the undiscussed underbelly of Amsterdam, and we need to bring it to the surface to address it.